Just Buy the Clothes that Fit: A Lesson in Self Love

In 2020, I gained over 30lbs. It was a stressful year, so I cut myself a break and vowed to buckle down in 2021 and lose the weight.

But then life got busy. And it got hard. And I didn’t feel like depriving myself. Late night ice cream was eaten. Workouts were skipped. Instead of counting carbs and calculating macros, I planned charcuterie boards and savored delicious red wines. Instead of trips to the gym, I planned trips to the park and trampoline gym with my children. Yes, my toned abs and glutes now hid under some new curves, but I was happy. My life felt balanced, for once, and my relationship with food felt good for the first time in my life.

So, by the time the weather started cooling down and I pulled out my winter clothes, It wasn’t much of a surprise that nothing fit comfortably on my body anymore. As a tried on my too-tight clothes, a part of me felt ashamed and unworthy. I began to listen to that hateful voice that lives in the back of my mind telling me it was shameful that I no longer fit into my clothes. But then, in a moment of clarity, it occurred to me that I could just buy new clothes- clothes that fit my body right now.

And so, I went. I ignored the hateful voice as I browsed the racks and reached for a bigger size. I ignored the hateful voice as I looked at how the new clothes hugged my newfound curves in the dressing room mirror. And I ignored the hateful voice as I spent money on myself and my new, bigger, but better fitting clothes. When I got home, I tried on the new clothes again and looked in the mirror. Suddenly, there was a new voice in my mind- the voice of self love. It was a whisper at first, but every time I put on my new clothes and felt cute and comfortable, it got a little louder. And after a while, I began to wonder why I had been so afraid to buy new clothes that fit my body in the first place.

This experience made me think about how often we do this to ourselves as women. So many of us have been conditioned from an early age to believe from an early age that our self worth is tied to our weight, our clothing size, and our appearance. We hold ourselves to impossible standards, and when we inevitably fail to meet them, we beat ourselves up and punish ourselves in really heartbreaking ways.

We refuse to invest in clothes that fit. We avoid going swimming with our kids. We avoid existing in photographs.

The voice of self hate tells us that we aren’t worthy, and we listen…and it’s heart breaking.

The truth is, we are worthy- YOU- are worthy.

You are worthy of happiness, love, and joy.

You are worthy of putting on a swimming suit and swimming with your children, of wearing clothes that make you feel great, and of existing in photographs, just as you are.